Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
