im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
