i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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