Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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