I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
