I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
