i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
