Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
