I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
