Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
