yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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