Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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