we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
