i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
