youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I deserve this hangover.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
