I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
