I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
