they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
