I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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