Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i think i just lost a toe
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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