Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
being pregnant is like rehab
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
