Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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