I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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