i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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