i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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