Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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