What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
