I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
