i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
