He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
