I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
