mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
