I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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