yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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