i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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