If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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