Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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