I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
