She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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