I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
