there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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