Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
