peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
