He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
