I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
