i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
