I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
