I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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