My balls are so social today.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
