Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
