I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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