It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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