I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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