we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
